The holidays “how-to” for couples. How to turn the pressure of holidays into precious holidays even during the pandemic.
The holiday season is the perfect, relaxing, and truly magical time when we all just laugh and forget we are able to get angry…That’s what we see in the commercials, right?
However, according to Healthline.com, “Depression may occur at any time of the year, but the stress and anxiety during the months of November and December may cause even those who are usually content to experience loneliness and a lack of fulfillment.“
How does the reality look like for you though? Can you turn the pressure of all those expectations into magical and precious moments? If yes, congratulations! If your answer was no, let’s have a look how to do it!
1) Take 5 minutes to find out what YOU expect from the holiday season
Why is this important? Because sometimes we are accepting the picture that media, society, and culture give us instead of painting our own picture.
How to do that?
Sit down. Don’t let anything disturb you for at least 5 minutes. Close your eyes. Imagine, how would the holidays look like if there were no obstacles? Imagine you have the time, the money, you can travel if you want, there is no pandemic, you are healthy…Imagine your perfect holidays. See yourself clearly, imagine every detail. What are you doing? Where are you? Who are you with?
When you are ready, open your eyes. Take a pen and paper and write it down.
Now, try to extract the main emotion out of what you’ve just seen and written. What was the key emotion of your perfect holiday season? Was it relaxation? Fun? Excitement? Safety? Love and connection? Friendship? Try to dig deep and find out what is the key emotion you want to feel during the holidays. Let’s call this emotion “the holiday-emotion”.
2) Plan your “Holiday-Treasures”
The next step is to plan how to achieve to feel the holiday-emotion while living in the “nonperfect” world. Plan a minimum of three things you need to do during the holidays to feel the holiday- emotion.
Ask yourself, “What has to happen during the holidays so that I would feel the holiday-emotion?” E.g.: “What has to happen so that I would have FUN?”
“What has to happen so that I would feel LOVE?”
“What has to happen so that I would feel RELAXED?”
Write as many things as you can and then pick the top 3–5 things and PLAN them. If you don’t know how to have fun because you are stuck at home during the pandemic, download the “30 Activities For Couples You Can Do Even During The Quarantine” pdf. It will give you 30 ideas on how to have fun and connect even if you have to stay at home.
If you want to do something but you don’t have the money to do that or you can’t do that because of the pandemic, be creative. Ask for help from some of your friends, your partner, or post it on social media. The key is to feel the emotion you want to feel, not the activity itself.
Let’s call the winning 3–5 ideas your Holiday-Treasures.
Also, don’t be afraid to include gifts as part of your holiday-treasures. According to Psychology Today, “Holidays are the time of year to share with others, acknowledge what they mean to us, and be grateful for their efforts. On a practical level, this means showing our appreciation and sentiment through giving just the right gift. Therefore, following simple gift-giving tips can help in that endeavor — such as paying attention to what other people really need and want, and having a few “extra” gifts on hand for unexpected guests.” If you don’t have enough time or money to buy the perfect gift for your loved one, you might just give him/her your time, energy, and love. How to do that? Create a gift certificate and give your partner e.g. a 2-hour massage done by you. If you need more tips or if you want to download the certificates I have created for my husband, you might do that here for free.
3) Share your “Holiday Treasures” with your partner
Don’t skip this part! It’s important to share your holiday-treasures with your partner and discuss them. Also, if he/she is up to it, ask your partner to come up with his/her holiday-treasures. This way you can not only align your plans but also truly look forward to having the best holiday season in your life. If you will know what your partner wants, you can help him/her to achieve it and see him/her happy. That’s the best feeling in the world. If he/she can do the same for you, you will have the magical holidays as you have imagined them.
According to Organizingpro.com, you should, “Assume Nothing. Ask those who are celebrating with you what their expectations are, and communicate the plan clearly so people feel informed.”
And remember, even if your ideas of the perfect holidays differ, there is always room for compromise. Maybe you will not have 3 treasures but only 2. And your partner will have two as well. Make the sharing playful and light, not competitive. It’s not about being happy alone, but being happy together. Have an open mind and an open heart.
4) Draw your “Holiday-Treasure Map”
Imagine a map leading towards your Holiday-Treasures. Let’s say your holiday-emotion is LOVE. And, let’s say one of your Holiday-Treasures is a romantic dinner with your partner, with wine and sushi, lots of talking and making love. Now, what are the steps leading towards your treasure?
· A bottle of good wine. Draw it on the map as “Let’s buy the bottle together”. Since you’ve shared your intentions with your partner, he/she should be fully on board. If he/she knows what the bottle is leading you both towards, I am sure he/she would like to participate in choosing the right bottle.
· The sushi plan. Are you going to prepare it yourself? Together? Buy it? When and where? Put it on the map.
· Talking. What do you want to talk about? Is it going to be about your future? Creating plans? Or, are you going to remember the best moments of your relationship? Then, maybe, you want to have some pictures ready…? Is it going to be the “sexy talk”? Draw it on your holiday-treasure map.
· Lovemaking. Do you want to dance before? Listen to some music? Have a massage? Role-playing? It is your treasure. The more specific you will be, the better chances it will happen the way you want it to happen. Draw the steps on your map.
The last step is to make a copy of your map or a plan (if you hate to draw) and give it to your partner. Since you’ve discussed your treasures already before, he/she should be on board.
5) Create a plan on how to get your Holiday-Treasures
· Put them in your calendar
· If you need proprietaries to make it happen, buy them
· Dedicate some time to prepare them.
6) Make it happen
There is no point in dreaming and planning if you don’t make it happen. This is your holiday season. Don’t wait for it to happen. Make it happen the way you and your partner want it. Print your holiday-emotion out and display it somewhere you can see it frequently. Enjoy the holidays fully and have fun. Without fun, there is no excitement, polarity, and passion in the relationship. Fun is the ultimate holiday spice that makes your holidays unforgettable.
